she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
