Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
