You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
