Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
