dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
