Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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