evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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