dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
