Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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