Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
