his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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