Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
