I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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