I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
