im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
