how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
