That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Buhtt sex?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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