I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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