i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
