I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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