You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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