Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We had sex on a dog bed..
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
