The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
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"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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