and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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