hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
