Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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