why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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