This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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