I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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