he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
