You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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