Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
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i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
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We left an ass print on the piano.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
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