Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
