If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
pop tarts are not kleenex
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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