glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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