So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
