I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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