Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
