I got chris browned last night
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
