This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
