Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
