she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
