FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Drunk is not a location!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
