i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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