At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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