I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
