So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
