Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You can't just leave with hair like that
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
