This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
