It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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