It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
