Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize