are you still at the devil's house?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
