Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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